Jokes

Clinton's plane lands and he starts down the stairs carrying a piglet under each arm. At the bottom of the stairs, a Marine standing at attention snaps a salute. The president says,
“I'm sorry I can't return your salute son but my arms are full.”
The marine loudly replies, “SIR, YES SIR! I SEE THE PIGS SIR!”
To this Clinton says, “Oh, these aren't ordinary pigs, these are genuine Arkansas razor backs.”
“SIR, YES, SIR! RAZOR BACKS, SIR!”
The president continues, “I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea.”
“SIR, YES SIR! GOOD TRADE SIR!”

*****

Cannibals capture a US Marine, a British soldier, and a French Legionnaire.
They put up a grand fight, but there were just too many and they were overwhelmed.

The cannibal chief says that they will be eaten, and their skins used to cover the tribe's canoes, but since they had proven themselves to be truly awesome fighting men, as a sign of respect they would be allowed to kill themselves, rather than the usual practice of being tortured to death.
The three were presented with a selection of implements with which to do themselves in.

The French Legionnaire selected a knife, shouted, “Viva la France!” and cut his own throat.

The British soldier chose a pistol, shouted, “God save the Queen!” and shot himself in the head.

The US Marine picked up a big fork, and started stabbing himself in the chest while shouting, “FUCK your canoe!!”

*****

Even though the junior sailor was late for his flight, he dashed into the airport men's
room, pissed, and quickly headed for the door.
At one of the sinks a Marine sergeant was washing his hands.
The Leatherneck called to the man, “Hey, sailor, in the Marine Corps they teach us to
wash our hands after going to the latrine.”
The fellow stepped back into the men's room and looked at the Marine. “Well, in the
Navy, they taught us not to piss on our hands!”